Thursday, August 26, 2010

And No One Knows Where The Night is Flowing...


I will not give him a chance to be alone with me. Because I know him. I know what will happen if I'm alone with him I let him talk. I will change my mind. I will think and remember back to how much I know I owe him. How much coming into my life changed it so radically.
I was almost without hope when I met him. I was on the verge of giving up the last dream I had been holding onto. After I had given up all the others. He was special, after all the crap I had gone through. You have no idea what it is like to meet someone who keeps their word after you have started to exist in a mind frame and world that accepts people do not keep their word. When a partner tells you, from this 300,000 shillings you have lent me, I will make sure we get 1,000,000 shillings and 500,000 of it will be yours-because you are the main and only investor! Two weeks later, get that call, when you are supposed to be going to meet the landlord, get a call that Saturday morning-and he’s laughing, crying, ululating down the phone line because the deal has come through, you have been paid, and you have 1,000,000 shillings to spare-‘Come my friend, and get your money.’
Meeting someone like that who, when everyone is telling you, yes, that boss of yours is a piece of shit, but you need the job, hang in there. He says, you can do better than that. You are the talent, talent will never be unemployed. Leave and you will find something new. Look, I will help you. But man, leave, or you will lose more than the two months he has not paid you not. Someone like him who did not see hurdles in the way but a new path you are forced to take that in hindsight might actually be the road you should have been on.
I needed him. I needed him when I was lost. He was my guide, my prophet, the one eyed stranger leading me when I was blind. No one knows like he knows, how much I relied on him—teaching me that when you knew how, you could get in touch with anyone, get anything you wanted, if you knew who to ask. That money was important, yes, but it was attitude that counted more. You had to look money before you had money, one of his lessons. I learned, when I had no other teacher, from him.
I also learned, when to go on, from him. I was just doing this. Going on from him. Like, before, so many had gone on, from me. I was only doing that.
He could not see that we could not go on the way he wanted us to run this business. We could not go on creating and leaving for others to perfect and mass market our products. We needed to slow down, concentrate on a few and mass market for ourselves. But he did not see it this way. Yet when we had built quite a self sustaining capital base, then we could go back to the innovating, to the trying out our wild, kafunda ideas again. Why could he not see that?
The lawyers saw it at once, and they have no proper understanding of our business. They can see that you need to have money to be able to effectively protect yourself. It is not cruelty to strike before you are struck. I just wish he could see this, but there isn’t the time, and I can’t try to explain it all again.
I have not betrayed him. I have not betrayed the Friday 3am clowning in the office because we were too tired to work anymore but it was too late to go back home-so we would eat the rolexes we had bought, sleep in the lounge chairs, wash and work Saturday morning till midday. No, I have not betrayed that. The compensation is going to make him catch his breath, I insisted it be good.
I will not be the defeated Binaisa ghost stumbling through the ruins of my life...
And no one knows where the night is going ...

Those who dance, begin to dance
Those who weep begin
Those who earnestly are lost
Are lost and lost again

And no one knows where the night is going ...

One by the guests arrive
The guests are coming through
The broken-hearted many
The open-hearted few

And no one knows where the night is going ...
The Guests by Leonard Cohen

1 comment:

Ishta said...

Oh how I miss our talks David.