Thursday, September 24, 2009

"I Have Changed My Name So Often..."

This is for the friend who is afraid her phone is being tapped. I wanted to say welcome to the club because some of us have been through the panics and the terrors that control you now from four years ago. Learned that you can never assume that someone is befriending you because they like the way your mind works but because it is a job and they are your personal spy.

We no longer walk without looking over our shoulders, and when we walk in the night, we are sure to be walking in the middle of the deserted road because we know who waits in the dark places. We have learned fear does not let you think clearly but caution keeps you alive to continue the fight. This is why we don’t like to eat in restaurants and if we do, we do not finish the food on our plates.

It is not paranoia that makes us drop out of the lives of the people we love the most for months on end. Love is our greatest weakness and the enemy knows this and uses it against us without mercy. We refuse to hate though we will let misunderstanding reign so they can stay alive, safe in the eggshell of unknowing.

Listening to her, I remembered a song I used to listen to all the time and I still listen to, when I’m weaker on some days, send texts I should not to persons I have sworn should never know these dangers…

"The Partisan"

When they poured across the border
I was cautioned to surrender,
this I could not do;
I took my gun and vanished.
I have changed my name so often,
I've lost my wife and children
but I have many friends,
and some of them are with me.

An old woman gave us shelter,
kept us hidden in the garret,
then the soldiers came;
she died without a whisper.

There were three of us this morning
I'm the only one this evening
but I must go on;
the frontiers are my prison.

Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we'll come from the shadows.

Les Allemands e'taient chez moi, (The Germans were at my home)
ils me dirent, "Resigne toi," (They said, "Sign yourself,")
mais je n'ai pas peur; (But I am not afraid)
j'ai repris mon arme. (I have retaken my weapon.)

J'ai change' cent fois de nom, (I have changed names a hundred times)
j'ai perdu femme et enfants (I have lost wife and children)
mais j'ai tant d'amis; (But I have so many friends)
j'ai la France entie`re. (I have all of France)

Un vieil homme dans un grenier (An old man, in an attic)
pour la nuit nous a cache', (Hid us for the night)
les Allemands l'ont pris; (The Germans captured him)
il est mort sans surprise. (He died without surprise.)

Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we'll come from the shadows.

No one says it like Leonard Cohen…it is the reluctant revolutionary’s song. If you have the internet, yotube was created so you could hear this.

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