Saturday, May 24, 2008

Blistered Soul

In a few days I will tell you something momentous. One way or the other. It might not be good.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

To You

I’m only real when I’m with you. Everything else when I’m not with you seems like a sham, movie set props with fronts and no backs, insubstantial. I have been called reckless, I have been called careless but no one seemed to realise this was only when I was on my own and you were not around and I did not care. I live because of you and there are places and situations I have been in that I would not have strode back from alive were it not for the thought of you and seeing your smile again.

I have a wanderer’s blood, started planning my escapes before I had the ability to, in search of a thrill that a newer brand of cigarette, a strangely named hard liquor could not bring back much anymore, anonymous sex revolting in the morning illusory in its excitement, I was seeking you and I did not know.

I used to be afraid that when this time came and you were in my life, I would never be free again, I would never have my rambles again, friends would become past memories, spontaneous compound barbecues would be outlawed, Friday evening trips to other towns frowned on so much they would never be enjoyed, mornings in rooms alone with my facebook of memories mulled over disagreeable; I find that I have been freer than since I have been with you. Free with little terror.

I started to say I love you and you said wait. Wait. In the still moments of calm repose I knew and understood why you did not want me to say it, let your eyes speak, let your fingers mark with tattoo caresses, let your lips smudge kisses never to be washed off, your breath be my breath, your limbs my limbs in this thoughtless exhausted sleep we drop into, let us not cover ourselves but be warmed by the love you wanted to carelessly speak of. I understood.

You’re a worker of miracles who won’t acknowledge your power. You’re a divine presence in my life when I had never held such beliefs. You’re the only one who has made me say Yes when saying No was so much easier. I want to say Thank You for all this more. For a week ago when you said Yes.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Job Days and Moaning In The Next Room

And now I realise that there will never be epiphanies for you, that this is what you wanted all along...and peace begins to dawn...

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Musical Passion, I Suppose


The Song She Would Not Send Me, Even after I Asked

Juba will always be...

BLEEDING LOVE
Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closingYou cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleedingI keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleedingKeep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubtYet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of lonelinessI see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you

They try to pull me awayBut they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleedingI keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleedingKeep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closingYou cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleedingI keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleedingKeep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love