All bets are off, Sanaa Lathan bringing Something New back into my life. I have never loved a movie like I loved Love & Basketball, love Love & Basketball, and I remember a girl who told me that I did not have to settle for less than the best because I was the best, uh, message too late but appreciated. I always wanted Something New, something pristine, untouched, but all I ever had were these words and this ability to garland them around whatever evening porch of thought I had.
Brown Sugar, I still freestyle with words though these mental Berlin walls keep me pulling Disappearing Acts, I still have the faith. I have not feared loss like since when Sanaa played for Epp’s heart in Love & Basketball, playing for her heart too, their futures, and making it all right again. You cannot love a person since you were 11 and just walk away because you lost a backyard nighttime basketball game. No lovers will ever give you the looks he still gives you after all these years or how your heart on wings of butterflies still flutters.
I have no big epileptic secret to hide, or maybe I do, but I’m keeping my poker face, watching these classic Western movies through my holiday, I know now Clint Eastwood’s dental history watching him grit his teeth on a cigar and planned revenge, I’m about to make U-turns that frighten even me. I hope I’m doing the right thing, life on a toss, learning to play scrabble games with you; you’re the missing letter I have been searching for. Give me strength.
I have written too few passages as beautiful as Sanaa’s face, kissing Epp’s for the first time after their leaving High School dance, before the clothes and inhabitations fell away. In love with Epps, every time he pulls a prank on her she can’t resist nicknaming him, “Punk!” I used to wonder where I had heard that word before now I know why it did not offend me when I heard it again.
Of all the things I wanted the most, I wanted girls without regrets, before I knew I wanted that, living this short life without regrets. The Richot and Old Admiral whiskey and Bond 7, Grants and High Horse was to teach you to let up, lean out of our speeding Jeep headed out of Kampala burning rubber down a ghostly CHOGM tarmarced highway to a small town we would wake up in half past midday later to look for a place where we could buy pork to barbecue. I wanted you fearless like a girl before her heart is broken for the first time. Or this girl I know who repudiated men have tried to denigrate as a man eater because she loves each of the many men she has loved like she is in love for the first time, her story remains untold in my head. They have accused Sanaa of seducing each of her male leads, false rumours at their feverish peak when Denzel Washington was movie coupled with Sanaa. Movie website hate boards harsher than scarring basketball courts of lawless life.
The wisest 21 year old in the world brought me back to life and love when she wrote On Random Things We Have Said, Saturday, December 29, 2007. Why do I always forget this? Become jaded, take for granted what I once never had and yearned to have? Brown Sugar, I’m still in love with you like I still love hip hop though I have not said this for sometime now, having not made you a meal in months, I want all this to change, become who I used to be before all this. What am I saying? Not a New Year’s Resolution, a lifetime goal not to forget: You’re the Miracle in my life.