Saturday, August 25, 2007

I'm hoping for A Weekend...

"Alchemist you know me man
I'm the type of nigga that write rhymes right on the spot in the studio
soon as I hear the track; you know what I'm sayin?
Word but I wanted to bring a couple of books to the studio today
Man I foundthese shits up in the crib man in boxes man
I don't even remember when I was writing these..."
My Book of Rhymes, Nas

With her. I have not communed with her in months. I’m guilty of promising so many people I would but I have not, repeatedly. It’s not that anything significant has got in the way. Whenever I look back, I realize it’s because I have lacked motivation, drive, nay even inspiration, because my Muse has abandoned me too!

So my weekends and my free hours when I do not have sit in office, blearily going blind for a man who does not even wear spectacles are spent in pretending that she is not in my backpack, accusing me more persistently than the furious vibrating of my phone in silent mode.

I borrow more movie DVDs, 5-in-1s than anyone at the video libraries where I’m registered does and watch them all through the night. I pretend to myself that I still need to do this. That if I have not watched the latest movie, the people who used to read my movie reviews will be disappointed and wonder what is happening to me.

I stay in the office later than I have to. I have lately run out of what to surf because an internet accessibility that I have never enjoyed before and I have taken to tinkering with photographs, tweaking this way and that. I IM chat for hours. Anything to keep busy. I love to be in town.

My latest obsession is riding on the back of boda bodas. The boda bodas on the stage where I work know me now and do not find it odd anymore when I thrust a 5000sh note in their hand and say, surprise me with a place I have never been too. I will spend a night trawling through gullied roads listening to the life-stories of boda boda riders, I’m living their lives vicariously. Anything to not go back and well, she will still be there waiting, not with tears or reproach or angry confrontation, but by just the mere being there. I see her and I know where I should be. I do not even have to see her.

I have been running, running, for months now. With many excuses, so many. I just created another. But I’m hoping this weekend is different. Faint hope, vain hope perhaps, but I’m hoping to go back to her. I’m hoping to open her up again, take a pen, my yellow liquid sparkling glass not too far, begin again, spitting words that will thrill you!

5 comments:

HDC said...

Inspiration (borrowed from a friend )for your literary weekend!

THESE WORDS
Let these words...
eternally bless you
as they undress
and caress you
stroke you
and provoke you
open you
and evoke in you
a desire
wild as fire
a need irreplaceable
a passion aggressive and insatiable
a lust for loose lips
that drip
words in multiples
so freely, so frequent and so hot
that you wont want them to stop
running
but keep coming...and coming...and coming
Let these words get in you
touch every nerve and sinew
Let them send you hurled into
worlds renewed
serve you with a verse from the food of truth
shelter and clothe you
wash over you
clean you, redeem you
take you deep within parts of yourself you've never been to
thought you might never find, never see or in your life time get to go to
In their embrace let them enfold you, hold you, mould you and control you
Let them forever remind your spirit, mind, body and soul from head to toe that I, Phenzwaan, told you
to be...re...assured
and to make no mistake
that you can respect and take these words
or you can reject and hate these words
but you will never ever be able to forget or forsake these words
neglect or shake these words
dissect or break these words are
composed in phonetic code not verse
so such attempts would only serve to recreate these words
Even now as I speak, they seep deep into your subconscious changing from form to form like the universe...
Is...vast...are...free...
free as the unseen seed that freely grows
free as the unseen energy that freely flows
free as the very breath flowing from your nose
free as the unseen force of spiritual law that controls
Let them steal you, let them heal you, let them elevate your soul
These words of sustenance penned for empty bowls
Let them fill you up, warm you up, give you goose bumps, curl your toes
Let them itch you, let them scratch you, annoy you, get all up in your clothes
Let them course right through your veins like our ancestors woes
Let them in, let them under your skin, into your flesh, into your bones
Let them get to you, let them infect you, let them kill you, resurrect and rebuild you
These words used to raise slaves from the dead and they still do
Let them will you, fulfil you, distil you, thrill you
chill you in the blistering cold of their winter nights
singe you in the hot heat of their blazing sunlight
'cause you see, I want you to feel these words
digest these words, deep inside your chest conceal these words
breath these words as I speak these words
be replete with these words so even in sleep
you can repeat these words
I believe every soul across the globe should know these words
so I go tell these words, go sell these words
go through and repel hell with these words
and here now they dwell
like the tenacious scent of natures purest herbs
can you smell these words...
can you?
Permeating...like the sweet fragrance from Egyptian oils
pressed from precious flowers cultivated on Egyptian soil
just...lingering
Dip your fingers in
and hold these words, never let go of these words
always uphold these words
Never shun these words or run from these words
Instead, chase these words, come face these words
come taste these words
grafted from years of tears and pain
crafted on behalf of the slain
and all those still here in this struggle to maintain
And as many walk these cold streets begging for change
when will enough people see that they're not really begging for change
They are begging...for...change
And who knows, they may too claim me insane 'cause I'm here right now doing the same
so come take these words
before its too late for words
Assimilate these words, appreciate these words
articulate these words, perpetuate these words
And if the day should come
when men aim to tame these words, shame these words
change, rearrange, restrain or set up against these words
my friend, until the end...
Defend these words
And when my physical can no longer contain, comprehend, explain or ascend these words...
Remember these words
these lyrics
etched into the very depths of your spirit
Forever living, left where you'll never forget they exist
where you can never resist their rhythm
Hauntingly beautiful
they will be heard...
Until then, I'll keep giving
and giving and giving and giving
and giving and giving
these words.

2002 Phenzwaan

Sharm said...

Hi there,

You are chosen to represent your country in the first international blog
WUB (World United Bloggers)

The aim of this blog is to prove to the world that differences in language, religion,race and nationality do not make us hate each other and we can make this world better if we express our opinions with respect to others.

If you agree to join us please send e-mail with your nick name , age , country and your blog address to sharm_lover@hotmail.com where you will be sent an activation mail which makes you entitled to contribute in WUB, your name as one of the contributor will automatically be updated.Please read the rules before you start any posting in WUB where you will also find the aims of this WUB.

Thanks
Chief WUB,


Sharm .

www.worldub.blogspot.com

Be silent said...

Waiting.... Hope you go back. You are perfect at your writing

lissingmink said...

wow
ok
waiting

Elle B said...

RESPECT. in a nut shell