Wednesday, June 20, 2007

1 Wish

We lost. What more can I say? We lost. We fought, we thought, we planned, we prepared but it was not enough. Maybe it was too late. But when we started, we tried our best. We did all we could. But it remains. We lost. What more can I say? We lost.

We have been 30 years, 30 years every 2 years have come with renewed hopes, renewed dreams, and lingering musing that maybe, maybe, this will be the year. This will be the year when we leave our failures behind, when we stride from the waiting lounge onto the runway out past the security checks and our spirits will soar like that plane effortlessly settling into the sky gone for a competition we have never won. To have a chance at competiting if not winning. 30n years we have waited and this year, this year, we might not have been so close but thought, we believed, we knew we were going. We will not go.

We lost. We did not win. What more can I say? We thought we would win. We thought belief was enough. We were sure we could make it this time. We knew this was our turn, this is our year, everything else is going wrong but we still have this, this cannot go wrong, the Italians could do it and so can we. We may no longer be the best and we live on memories made by young men who died a long time ago but we still can make it. We believed. What more can I say? We did not win. We lost. What’s new?

We begin losing the day we are born and we begin dying the day we realize we are alive. What’s new? Every year has been worse than the one before it and it will never get better, we’re going to go on losing, that’s us. So, what’s new? What’s new is that we forgot. What’s new is that we dared to hope, to dream, to think that this time, this one time, maybe just this once, the stars were aligned, the gods were benevolent, the fates not malevolent, we could win, we were going to win. What’s new?

I take a walk sometimes. To all the all the places I have been and all the people I have been there with and I’m the old man pushing creaking doors into unswept, cobwebbed rooms on streets with now strange names, on a pilgrimage, to remember old kindnesses. What’s new? This country is not just 45 years old, independent 9th October 1962, this is not when we begun, we have been here long, long before that. What’s new?

I listen more than I see now, the inflections in your voice mean everything to me, I’m a young man going blind with only ears left, don’t lie to me so much anymore. We lost. You made me think we were going to win so I did what I have not done since I was a boy, a teenager nearly, when I wore a suit with a neatly tucked in shirt, bow tie immaculately set, so my mother could have her memory picture of my confirmation into the faith, and set out for the city, no enemies here—they sat by their radios in the afternoon of this Tuesday, the sun blazing in the sky, all workday stalled, and listened again to hear, we lost. We have been losing since I was a child, we lost.

I want to win once before I die.

5 comments:

Savage said...

firsties suckers!!!

we always lose. I am comfortable with that. What's new?

cb said...

now what is it ur writing about? the uganda cranes not beating lesotho? man, not even ma intuition gets closer 2 fathoming what it is u write about. but then again i guess it's why i think ur the most gifted writer on ugandan blogs. talking of which, i just read ur short story, 'last words'. know when i incidentary missed the live version on sanyu fm way back; i was really mad with myself. and now, a chance stumbling onto it follwing a link on mr. magoo's blog, has made my day. u, iwaya,in all ways, are a writer.

Unyc said...

"We begin losing the day we are born and we begin dying the day we realize we are alive"....

wow! U got mad writin skills....but what exactly u talking about.....

Dorian said...

this is the true anthem of a dying communist

ish said...

i'm with Nate. fine with the F word. Failure.