With the pain in my brain dulled, I sit down before the computer
Trying to remember what life was like, the day before you came. Trying to reconstruct from the bombed out remains of this city that was once my life, how I lived, before you came. Before there were mornings when I woke up to eyes glowing in the morning on the pillow next to mine with a softly whispered, “Good morning, how was your night?” I try to remember, mornings before this morning, mornings when I did not have to murmur back, “Oh, it was…” sweetly slipping back into a dream to wake again, ten, twenty minutes later to eggs frying with an aroma that makes me sit up suddenly in bed, stomach growling. I try to remember mornings before this morning, the day before you came.
I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this
I know I had a life before you! I know I was not dead! I just can’t seem to remember my life before you, my life before the day you came. It wasn’t at all bad. It wasn’t at all sad. Heck, I had my John Keats, I had my job, and I had a black notebook with numbers that in the night I opened to dial and I did not have to be alone, the day before you came. When I did not go home before 10pm and met quite a number of mice in my pantry with tears in their eyes on Monday morning when I returned after a roistering weekend that took me in speeding death merchants into towns that were blurs from behind the car windows behind the beer glasses, slurping droplets, laughing, the day before you came.
This tea just doesn’t do it, I know you said no more coffee
The day before you came, I had my life planned out; I’m trying to remember what those plans were. Crazy, strange, deranged, another wild child stuck up in the game, the day before you came. Betsey up in my crib, that account opened and the M7s piling up, no steadier eye on that promotion trained, studying pictures of the type of potbelly I wanted at home, squinting in the dark in the candlelight over rehearsed budgets, the day before you came.
They say there are two deaths and one birth
But nothing makes any sense but you and it's like I was non existent before you, before the day you came and I’m so gone with you, I think I can hardly breathe and now I don’t know what to do about it. I'm lost for words. Speechless. In love with you.